Corpus White: Unhinged Lunatic Extraordinaire

update

2005-12-28T10:36:00.000-08:00

I'm in fucking England man! I still cannot believe it.

hey ya

2005-12-25T01:58:00.000-08:00

For those whom might not know I will be out of country for the next two weeks. My travels will take me to London, England and the Netherlands, Amsterdam. I look forward to my first excursion in to unknown boundaries. I look forward to all in front of me, and hope every one else a fresh new start in 2006.

Big Plans, Big Crash? But still among the dead

2005-07-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

For those of you who may or may not give two shits, I would like to announce plans make over this site. The way this site looks like every other blog makes me vomit in a every small minded way. Also, I found keeping an online journal is not the most discrete way to carry out life. My plans are to make over this site into a medium for my short stories. Including a section devoted to my nearly completed novel "Paper Wings / Local God."

word

Among the dead

2005-01-04T01:13:00.000-08:00

If anybody at all has noticed my recent abcense, I do apologize. Life as of now is, well, good. The winter has brought favorable whims. The truth is, I havn't had much to write about lately. Days pass by and die every morning at 10am and everyday lisa brings me back to life and home from work. The recent distruction of "the chief" (my car) has yelded very positive and negitive results. Recent news flashes of logic dictate that I will have a car payment in the near future. However as untell mid january I have a well founded excuse to see lisa everyday.

the miserable old king of yester-year is insane and we all know it. everybody say hello, to whom I really wanna be.

2005 IT'S THE YEAR TO BE HATED

2005-01-04T01:09:00.000-08:00

GOALS FOR 2005

1. to improve all areas of my life (mind, body, soul, enviroment)
2. at the end of this year I will be infront of a classroom.
3. Gain more control over what was previously preceved as uncontrolable
4. Further strengen and understand my relationship with Mona
5. Improve understanding
6. Travel
7. Put more thoughts on paper

"You don't go changing the horsemen in the middle of the apocalypse"

2004-11-04T18:18:00.000-08:00

- punk voter dot com

I will be posting my feelings on this subject in the near future. For now I need to do soul serching and time for reflection, I need time to find words to fit my feelings.

Two tales of one city....

2004-09-14T01:12:00.000-07:00

the duality of my life i feel has come to a breaking point. on one side of vegas; i have lisa, a job, friends. one the other side of the same city is a drag of family life. more and more everyday i feel my life looses context, being so divided. to much ambition, energy and gas money lost on the 19 mile stretch of highway between centennial and maryland parkway. the cohesion of the two roles is coming apart as i feel my self wanting to play the family role less and less. i seek the distance and freedom i enjoy everywhere else but the place I sleep. the need to take hold of thy own life is something that has been missing. partly because i feel i substitute in pretending my home in centennial does not exist.

If i had a base of operation, a small corner of the world nobody else uses, i think my life could come into better focus. without the financial filter of mummy n daddy, also with out the stress of living life day to day, and having to answer for it.

this of course means canceling plans for an future travel adventures especially in november. i really wanted to see beau in reno and kelly in KC, but i feel this may be a step it the right direction.

Al's War by Less Than Jake

Al said goodbye to his mom and dad for the first time in his life
tonight left the house and walked out to the waiting car outside
and somehow he thought they'd never understand that nothing lasts
and he just knows that time is just spinning by
and life is passing him by so fast
And sometimes I think I'm the only one
that feels like going nowhere is like giving up
Al said to me a few days ago
that he just thought for the first time in his life
he feels the last 10 years were only a waste of time
and that it was only a compromise of what he always felt inside
his declaration of independence
said to me under the orange street lights
he was the one
who always did the right thing
he was the one that listened to everything they'd say
but today he's never going back

Thoughts on madness, administrations, ex girl friends, and the TV Over Lord

2004-09-09T01:56:00.000-07:00

The recourse of the day comes in mind numbing waves from the rim of my bong. The rat race known as the 8th of september has ended, not but a minute to soon. Driving at high speeds from this way to that all in the name of productivity is bullocks. The backward administration of the community college is definitely at the height of it’s own bureaucracy. Seven phone calls, and two separate trips, along with a thorough survey of the web site, and still I am not any closer to my financial aid money.

____work is shite.

my ex called last night. out of the sea of obscurity it appears she crash landed back in vegas with a month old baby girl. her and her boyfriend are apparently in attendance at UNLV. and to make vegas a smaller place their about to move into the college district.

there is not many people i never wanted to see again. but she was definitely a prime pick. we had already spoken our peace sometime last year. (if i remember correctly it was right after that horrible flood that killed three people.) anyway. After that, i saw no real reason to ever cross paths again. you know, leave it on good terms. but yet she called.

from the sounds of the conversation, she sounded like she was at peace with her self for once in her life. i always thought motherhood would have that effect on her. then again i got the feeling she only called me because she had no one else to call, a freak effect of the “baby blues.” call anyone who might give a shit.

being jessica ain’s friend is less like a friendship and more like a sci-fi novel with a thousand sequels. The story is always heavy, the characters are two dimensional, and all in all, not worth the time.

____However, this event did give me some insight to my own insides.

I think i react to real life though a filter. acting a certain way not particularly because i want to but because i felt i should.

Like most americans the base of my social knowledge comes from TV. when jessica called, at first i was acting out the scene of the awkward conversation between ex’s on TV. realizeing this i think:
_maybe kenny and creepy chris are right, broadcast limits your mind. We only draw upon our media knowledge when we don't know how to act, or have forgotten how to.

when a crashed my first car, i could only think of the scenes when the oldest son come home with “something to say to dad” how crazy is that?

i will no longer obey my programing.
i will no longer obey my programing.
i will no longer obey my programing.
i will no longer obey my programing.
i will no longer obey my programing.

its the insidious mind control of broadcast. raising children on TV is a good way to create a model population. It’s already happened. how many kids my age didn’t watch saved by the bell? we know more about TV trivia than American history. we are the shared collective, resistance is futile.
.

hmmmmm Johny Depp eeh?......

2004-09-07T23:29:00.000-07:00

Captain Jack Sparrow

He's a real NOWHERE MAN..........

2004-09-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

Far too many events to recall in the past few days. What has happened is now all smearing together in a rotten mix called a good time. I remember Less Than Jake with Freon. That was a fine release of stress of all the well needed realms of my life. Then there was that day I slept for 24 hours. Ohh and then there was the day I took two year old afederen and got sick and spiny.

All and all, the only thing I want to do is sleep. I can tell this is effecting Mona. She's getting pretty sick of me being so inactive. I'm sorry mona. My heads of swirl of thoughts and delusions. The election is ending, I'm wondering if I should take this job at client logic. I'm wondering if i shouldn't take more than two classes. I'm wondering if i should leave after november. My uncle in Miles City, MT has been missing for the last few days. THe whole family is wondering if this is his way of leaving his third wife. It seamed about right for uncle chris to be in the middle of another divorcé again. anyway that throws off any plans of going there in the winter.

stuck in thy own puzzle called self.............. (enter jaded remark here. jibber jabber ..... witty wrap up..... end.)

fresh thoughts for rotting minds

2004-08-28T22:06:00.000-07:00

8.27.04

The thing about mesquite is this: if your not intoxicated enough you just might wake up and realize your still in vegas. After a savage week of hard work, mona and myself sought refuge only and hour away in Mesquite, NV once again.
The Tequila Sunrise is a exquisite drink for this harsh environment. I’ve been experimenting with bar tending in the most recent days past. The sunrise is an easy one.

1 shot tequila (I prefer white, but i suppose if gold is your preference then have at it)

4 oz of orange juice

one or two splashes of grenadine

*garnish with orange, cherry, or lime (on this i prefer a thin slice of orange wrapped over a cheery on a umbrella stick)

time alone with mona is the only time i really want. her and i are so much better off when left in our own isolated environment. we can be alone and grow weird together. two hop head geeks alone on the desert no better off than those they put in padded rooms. I really need my own place, space i can truly call my own.

the confines of the city also seam to be shrinking.
....... i think this as we approach the city from the north at a closing distance. small town-izm. funny how many things become izims.

the sound track for the movie “forrest gump” rocks. so much great music all in chronological order. we took the hour dive up here listening to it. also the new Offspring album is a fine example of their best work in years. Albums “Xnay on the Hombre” “Americana” were just common punk in general. THeir 2002 release “ army of none .... or something like that ....” was crap with a few corn kernels of good music in the heap. but this album “splinter” is ground breaking while still keeping in touch the punk rock roots.

as we make our final approach, homeward bound i take a moment of contemplation.
..... am i really going through with this? what am i doing? the logical thing to do would be spin the car 180 degrees towards the freedom of open space. so why? why do return, i know theres nothing for me here except bloated expectations, and misplaced relations. mona and i could make a decent break for it. Head north for the cover of the maple leaf. we could maybe get there with enough head start our credit cards might get us up to the boarder. we could have our transcripts send to your new schools, we could get new jobs. canadian politics have got to pay well.......

then i look up, out the window and realize i’m back on the 215 ten min. fro home. and i say
“oh were home”

2004-08-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

Take the quiz: "What do you love about making love?"

Tenderness
You are a tender and gentle creature. You need to be cared for and you are emotional. You aren't afraid to show emotion and love. Body contact and the simplest signs of affection are what really matter to you.

2004-08-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"

Atheist
You are Godless! You could care less about religion. As far as you're concerned, if you can't see, touch and kick something, it's not real to you. You're day-to-day activities consist of eating, working, sleeping and the occasional Internet or coffee shop debate. Lastly, if anyone chooses to preach at you otherwise, you will either leave or debate them until they finally shut up.

2004-08-27T14:47:00.000-07:00

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

Seattle
Your dark exterior masks a caffeine driven activism. You'll take up a cause and you'll get ugly to advance it

2004-08-23T02:33:00.000-07:00

heed in the stairway......

Conflict ions of morality and patriotism run through my mind recently.
Granted we do not, nor have we ever lived in a true democracy, but shouldn’t anyone be allowed to run for presidential office??
Ralph Nader independent presidential candidate, has fought his entire life, only to better the lives of the American people. A consumer rights activist of the people for the people, in every sense of the word. A man that is unwilling to compromise convictions for reality.
Even after four years of a backwards administration hellbent on corporate pay outs, Nader refuses to recognize any difference in the two ruling political parties.
Even as all sides of the left continue to rally behind the DNC and John Kerry, Nader stands fast.

Truly a man of principle, one whom deserves not only our vote but our admiration.......... in any other election but this one.

Kerry a mad axe-man or not, must triumph over W. The theft of the white house will not and can not be repeated.

NATIONWIDE, Nader is pulling a solid 3 to 4 percent. Bush and Kerry are neck in neck. In Nevada, bush is ahead only by 2% while Nader is up 3%.

At ThE WORK fRonT....... The paperwork form the Nader office just came in. A photocopy of every signature on the “Ralph Nader for President” petition. We are combing through every name on this list. Call by call, house visit to house visit. We are determined to find anything to rat fuck him.

Sure enough .... the nader nevada used an outside, independent contractor to get the signatures. As a field rep. we’ve crossed paths with the leg men of this company. It hires crack head and single parents to collect the signatures. Five to Ten bucks a signature. Now this company’s employs mislead and lied people into signing this petition. Were talking voter fraud, and the works.

SO our team was sent scouring the Valley in track of these people for the last week. 75 miles a day, door to door. 14 consecutive days with no day off. Meanwhile my boss was notarized along with anybody who is eligible in the office. For all of this week they will be sent out to anyone who was tricked and willing to sign an affidavit. When all these affidavits are signed (500 in all) we send this out to legal.

Legal will have 500 witnesses, and all the money it needs to file suite against the nader campaign, getting him removed from the nevada ballot. Nader after all, still dose not have the funds to fight this in anyway.

.............what have i become a part of?

on another note.

IN an effort to forget about the above mentioned disaster, mona and i will be seeking acomidations at the oasis in mequite, NV weds.- fri. DO NOT repeat DO NOT SEND A SEARCH PARTY if we do not return.

2004-08-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

Singapore Sling #2

Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz Gin
1 oz Pineapple juice
1 oz Cherry brandy
1 tsp Grenadine
Top with Club soda
Garnish with Maraschino cherry
Ice

Mixing instructions:

Combine Gin, Cherry brandy, Pineapple juice, grenadine into the collin glass. Stir well. top up with club soda and garnish with the cherry.

Things got messy and out of control down at the Suncoast bar. I vomited last night at the bar w/ freon. Too much free booze, too fast, i guess. Thanx to Freon for getting me and my shit out of there incident free. I think the freaks were about to get ugly if i had comeback to the table for my shit. Nice save freon. But everything before and after was great. The Singapore sling goes great with white tequila. and fine chronic settles the gut from a fierce shot. Jack in the box ether got my order wrong or i was too shit faced to read simple numbers. anyway nice night if i remember correctly. the symbolic push to societies edge.

2004-08-16T22:36:00.000-07:00

First presidential debate:
University of Miami
Coral Gables, FL
Thursday, September 30
Jim Lehrer
Anchor and Executive Editor, The NewsHour, PBS

Vice presidential debate:
Case Western Reserve University
Cleveland, OH
Tuesday, October 5
Gwen Ifill
Senior Correspondent, The NewsHour, and Moderator, Washington Week, PBS

Second presidential debate:
Washington University in St. Louis
St. Louis, MO
Friday, October 8
Charles Gibson
Co-Anchor, ABC News Good Morning America

Third presidential debate:
Arizona State University
Tempe, AZ
Wednesday, October 13
Bob Schieffer
CBS News Chief Washington Correspondent, and Moderator, Face the Nation

2004-08-15T03:04:00.003-07:00

I sold My soul for Apathy and disbelief.

This week Vegas played host to the democratic front runner John Kerry and of course his vile opponent the butcher of Baghdad him self george w bush.

Kerrys’s shindig at the Mack was the largest gathering of unorganized people to ever take place in a arena. The DNC obviously had not thought this through. We had untrained civilians aiding secret service in crowd control, only over priced beer and water for the weary voters, and a utter lack of self control on my part.

The sink of the doomed was on everyone. I was at my own end. over worked, under paid, tired and hungry. I shoved wide-eyed on lookers here and there, maybe flipping off the pair of soccer moms was too much. too many people, too little nerve. the speech was only the setting for my anger.

when kery spoke we passed out tiny american flags and pom-poms to the people sitting right behind where Kerry was to speak. We passed out signs, all for upkeep of the illusion. The idea of the man that is Mr John whatever.......

this election bleeds on, i hope i can make it. this constant lingering of doubt, i keep thinking: ThIS iS It.... were all packed, strapped in for take off now. three months and counting. please ignore all lingering feelings of despair at the door, and never forget to tip the door man. after all when this ship is set to crash land it’s he who holds the cards.

(I was told kery’s speech was quite good. at that point i could of cared less, but the turn out was far more than impressive, please take the above words at less than face value)

2004-08-07T17:04:00.000-07:00

Known Crooks

2004-08-07T00:37:00.000-07:00

misshapen chaos.......

accounts of this past week have been fueled by madness and bad luck. the sideways manor of this week has more than kept me on my toes. reality it’s self has me cornered. Mounting debt. Smokey rooms. Angry republicans, not for the weak of heart.

John Kerry will be crashing through Vegas this week, putting the work front on high alert. Expect a high swarm of secret service to pillage through the streets of the college district. Hired goons and high paid yes men seam to follow any presidential hopeful. Kerry, the shy gun man of change; should surround him self with higher rent intellectuals.

Today John Mcaine called the latest attacks on kerry “dishonorable and dishonest” and urged the Bush beast to calm it’s heels. interesting.

Also in the news, Bush voiced opposition to the time honored tradition of admitting certain students into ivy league colleges based only on their families wealth. give me a fucking break.

"And to the 'C' students, I say, 'You, too, can be president of the United States.'”
- George W. Bush

isn’t that a nice though.

2004-07-28T01:42:00.000-07:00

Rants of reflection: the democratic convention day 1 and 2 (raw and unedited)

Bill Clinton obviously jerked off to the idea of speaking at the convention three days prior, but this was only obvious and overall insignificant.

Al Gore pulled off a seemingly solid speech, that was only watered down slightly. None the less, he rallied the troops to the front line. For the best Al Gore speech, down load his recent speech at NYU for moveon.org
This man is clearly looking to a place to cut loose on the right wing. A political pimple of angst, ready to pop, just not in front of Bill apparently. Our "president that should of been" however, did lay down his peace. Sly pot shots at the thief in office rolled of everyone's tongue, but only the right sets of ears could hear it. Like some pitch just out of their range, the republicans could never understand the word of the doomed. Not like most liberals can.

Hillary it seamed was running her own dammed convention. She participated in a sort of vagina rally for better healthcare where she was forced to let someone else speak. A senior female member of the Senate (I think). This woman's [Hillary] ambition far exceeds beyond many men's. In her quest for power no one will stand in her way, this is obvious. You could clearly see she resented having to introduce bill, and did not make any reference to their marriage.

When Clinton took stage I could plainly see his agenda. To him, this was all about him. His VP came out and performed the ritualistic foreplay, His wife got em' wet, and Bill saw it as his duty to finish the crowd off to a orgasmic rush fueled by hate for bush and love for bill. He is got to be the biggest ego maniacs in the world. He also just happens to have superhuman public speaking powers.

I should note: he did pay off, the crowd more than got off, three times over. The political discharge was smeared all over everyone's face. Plastered smiles stretching ear to ear. Point by point, without name calling, Slick willie took on republican ideology. Turning an entire convention into a giant money shot.
But he did push kerry. Very carefully, he did nothing to overshadow kerry. He called himself a draft dodger, and kerry a war hero: how often do you see that??

Grievances:

The word “Liberal” is not a dirty one. This is a ploy by the right, that the democrats took hook, line, and sinker. The truth is America is liberal. It’s the conservatives whom have reversed the truth and gotten away with it. The ideology of the right is clearly not inline with the views of this new age. This election is not about the views and opinions of the elder dinosaurs whom still walk the earth with their prehistoric views on homosexuality, war, abortion, education, ect. The problem is with the representatives of the left. This is where anarchist are right. With our system the left (dems) has become the right. Not knowing where to go, the most democrats are simply faux reps.

to them i can only say this:

Stop talking to the left and start talking to me. America is a liberal America. Democrats are not republicans. I want to see the supposed passion of this grass roots party. Shake it down it the core. This election means everything, lets fucking act like it. Show me passion, show me conviction, show me blood, show me guts.

A DEMOCRAT IS AN ANTI-REPUBLICAN. If they would only stick to their guns the people would respect that, they would vote for that.

2004-07-15T01:31:00.000-07:00

apple on the brain

may i just say that apple is one of the greatest companies ever. Despite the fact that they are an evil corporation, i would be perfectly ok with a nation financed by apple.

not only did they give me and educational discount, but they also gave me another 10% off the ipod and ipod accessories (not covered by the educational discount) just because my uncle worked for them like five years ago. they had on record, every purchase my parents have made since our first computer (a mac i might add).
ohh and a free engraving on my ipod.
BILL GATES IS A FUCKING CROOK no way would a PC manufacture do that kind of discount.

Mona and I recently sold our coworkers on the mac lifestyle. I have always thought of apple as the computer for the modern liberal. come on if Sarah Vowell, Jeff Goldblum, Tim Burton, Danny DeVito, Samuel L. Jackson, Robin Williams, and Connan O'brian like apple, it must rock. celebrities are never wrong.

2004-07-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

what the fuck man??
i think this story speaks for it's self

Bush's War-Era Records Damaged
Alabama Service Still Not Verified
Saturday, July 10, 2004; Page A03

The accidental destruction of microfilm seven years ago has handicapped Pentagon efforts to turn up records documenting President Bush's service in the Texas Air National Guard during part of 1972, a Defense Department public records official said in a letter to The Washington Post and other news organizations.

read the entire article here

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A39707-2004Jul9.html

2004-07-09T03:27:00.000-07:00

The songs we were singing

freon's entry reminded me of this great song by paul mccartney called "the songs we were singing" off a not well known solo album titled FLAMING PIE

the album is some of paul's best solo work. I can not stand the fucker, but love this album. Ringo makes an appearance on it too. If you read the booklet from the album case there's this cool little story about every song, written by paul. also there's a little paragraph about what is was like working with ringo again.

This song it's self means a lot to me for some unknown reason. Not those high power speed nights where we would "jaw throughout the night", but those summer nights when some one will pick up a guitar and play some Sublime song you hadn't heard in a while. those were/are the nights that twist together in memory, never letting you forget. YEAH you were ThERe. Not because on that night some shitbag made three valid points for socialism, but that, that exact moment will never come again. always smile at the past; it's the only real comparison to whatever you think you know now.

these are the lyerics. let me know if you can't find it and want to hear it:
*****

For a while, we could sit, smoke a pipe
And discuss all the vast intricacies of life
We could jaw through the night

Talk about a range of subjects, anything you like
Oh yeah

But we always came back to the songs we were singing
At any particular time
Yeah we always came back to the songs we were singing
At any particular time

Take a sip, see the world through a glass
And speculate about the cosmic solution
To the sound, blue guitars
Caught up in a philosophical discussion

Oh yeah

But we always came back to the songs we were singing
At any particular time
Yeah we always came back to the songs we were singing
At any particular time

For a while, we could sit, smoke a pipe
And discuss all the vast intricacies of life
Yeah, we could jaw through the night

Talk about a range of subjects, anything you like
But we always came back to the songs we were singing
At any particular time
Yeah we always came back to the songs we were singing
At any particular time

Yeah, we always came back

Take a sip, see the world through a glass
And speculate about the cosmic solution
To the sound, blue guitars
Caught up in a philosophical discussion
Oh yeah

But we always came back to the songs we were singing
At any particular time
Yes we always came back to the songs we were singing
At any particular time
Yeah

2004-07-07T01:31:00.000-07:00

passing thoughts @ franklin street

the salvia divanorum experience yesterday was far too intense. My brain has obviously become too accustom to the normal realms of reality. proof soberity is only for those waiting to get really high.

.................... as i exhaled all the color in the room faded to black and then to bleak white. in a circular motion the out lines of reality rolled away. Condensed existence became the illusion of reality, the beginning was clearly the end. Existence as I knew it had just been reduced to nothing and i was alone, here the the emptiness of the white. then just as panic swept over me, reality pushed back. Still spinning, Vague blurs became strange / familiar scenery.

'I FUCKING KNEW IT, IT'S ALL A HALLUCINATION, ALL OF IT. THIS ROOM THESE PEOPLE THAT COUCH EVERY FUCKING THING"

Deep feelings of relief came over me as reflected in my own glory. All reality was just a drug induced trip, while all this time the white place was right here. The faux existence had finally been seen for the shame as it is. This whole time I was right.

then the sham came into better focus

i was back

back here in what others called reality. back here where conservatives are still allowed to run ram pit throughout the streets, where bush is still in charge. there was no such thing as republican in the white place, this I was sure of.

the illusion of an illusion can become more real than it's creator.
this world I exist in is a lie; so despite my own urges of pessimism, there are things to hope for.

2004-07-06T01:24:00.000-07:00

Reality or something like....?

Politics is all about getting what you want. I back liberals because I am one. I back anyone who shares my views. A simple fucking game. Played by pale stubby creatures, who wish to one day rule the world. Working for the party, you see the blatant racism from with in. Segregation is the key. Ethnicity is a card to be played only at appropriate times. The spanish speaking crews, consist of all latinos and work in all latino neighborhoods. Their pushed off to the side when ever important moments fly by, and then called to the front lines of criticism.

The war wages on. Right now I think were ahead. depending on how soon there's another fuck up in Iraq or Kerrys pick for VP tomorrow, this could all change. My pick for VP would have to be Gen. Clark or Bill Clinton. The VP spot is bullshit anyway, why not give it some one who will distract the masses for you. A kind of reverse Bush Cheney effect.

memories from the fourth are foggy at best. Vague recollections from the post 911 vortex. American from roof to gutter, every direction in 360 degrees is patriotic feces. Eye sores of idiocy

2004-07-03T16:39:00.000-07:00

IF the end were tomorrow who would already be packed?

blah blah negro wisdom blah blah blah,
............. liberal pot shot ..............

-----> This of course excludes a few minor incidents far separated from any thing the mass media could label as “random hippie bullshit.” I speak of course of great upheaval. I ponder top my own soapbox how many would come? What rag tag brigade could all the coffee shops and a hookah in Americana pull up?

... and would it mean anything at all.

2004-07-02T03:10:00.000-07:00

Written record of the day from hell

Currently, a heavy regiment of high power grass and alcohol seems to be the only thing keeping the menacing vibes of today out of minds reach. The train wreck also known as 7-1-04 started early, and ended far too late. Racing across town from one corner to the next, all the while impeded by slow moving traffic. A mixed montage of political gibberish, white washed by catholic dogma comes to mind in recollection of the day.

Todays top stories--------->

Vile republicans attacked at high noon today ; The front line, Blue Berry Hill @ flamingo.

Also, under direct orders I observed the burial rituals of the catholic zombies nested in spring valley. Their numbers are expected recover.

Page two headline: LIBERALS NOT SAFE AT SPORTS BARS, DESPITE EXCELLENT DRAFT SELECTION.

also in the news

George W. Bush elected supreme flesh-eating zombie.
Sadam Hussein elected absolute ruler of Quebec, Canada

2004-06-29T03:23:00.000-07:00

fucking some bush: the screams from the front lines of liberal thought.

More and more each day the urge to run comes over me. What is written on the walls is becoming clearer everyday. And yet everyday I subdue my own instincts and work the daily grind. Bush hangs over my every step. The walls between very separate worlds are in a downward spiral. I can not look back or else face something feared only to look back again and see nothing? Fuck that trip. I fear only four more years of insanity. Living in a world like this is not for the weak hearted.

ever think about if bush actually wins in November?

The good Doctor Thompson called a campaign year a "death march, [if your one the wrong side]"
From here I can plainly see his wisdom, also I deeply hoping he's not talking to me.

........ Straight from the gutters of liberalism, I stand atop the street screaming the word of reason; fighting the forces of narrow minds .........

2004-06-19T00:46:00.000-07:00

goals a 21 year old should have

1. save money / become better with money

2. move out with mona

3. stop smoking cigaretts

4. eat better

5. become team leader before the end of the election

6. improve outward apperence

7. work on saying more profound things at approperiate times

8. become more recluse, less social interaction

does anyone eles suggest anything I may want to improve in my life?

2004-06-19T00:09:00.000-07:00

6/17/2004 thoughts from 17 stories up ....... and 21 years in.

I stumble throughout the madness of last night. Half eaten pizza’s and cigarette butts everywhere. The early morning sun sends waves of hysteria over the valley. Atop my strong hold suite,I am clearly king.

The evening passed by in a cloud of bong smoke.

every towel in the place is soaked with mystery yellow water, all sprawled about the floor almost in some kind of chaotic order of sorts. As destructive as the company was they did leave behind much residual liquor. A party twenty one years in the making can only leave behind certain resources.

the hot tub is empty aside from the ring of k-y at the bottom.
“that can be washed away, ....along with hell ridden society if I give two shits.” early morning times call for extreme measures. Bacardi 151 straight fire water, just the right kick off for nine am.

the service here sucks. after a half hour ago we ring up for fresh towels and glasses. A shriveled back man from the old school is now at the door. I think we wants a tip. The door vault luckily has a bill hanging out the hinge. The problem with the service is the lack of mexican labor. It is of my opinion the the exploited latin labor of this country is largely, grossly under estimated. Mexican illegals are true patriots of capitalism. anyone who says immigrants are taking his job is lying. the fact is any, citizen could get a better job. A so-called “real” American is incapable of pulling the same work load, at the same pace as an industry standard, exploited mexican.

Sitting atop the world here I am suddenly my very own worst enemy. Easy enough to do. simply sell out all your convictions and lock you self away top some cheesy monstsity of capitolism. Look at me mom, I’m a golden boy of materialism.

2004-06-09T03:40:00.000-07:00

“ A friend of mine, he pointed out to me, that who I have become is not the same person I used to be.” Less THan Jake

I’ve walked though the passed week completely inspired, and exhausted. I am running low all on my own steam. The days are long, the hours are marked by grumbling arguments of angry republicans.

Does logical thinking lead to leftist politics?

My boss is a idiot. A 25 year old rich girl living off daddy’s ticket. She knows nothing to the condition of the neighborhoods she sends us too. Then wonders why we call it a “ghetto.”

Mona is truly my sole salvation. With out her i’m lost most days around. I need her to smooth my growing insanity. Her kiss remains a mystery to me. How can it solve most of my problems with such ease?

“like a lonely generator, you stand right by me, if words were wisdom I’d be talking even more.” Offspring

Work still goes on. I leave the house everyday, and kiss my mom goodbye and tell her I’m off to save the world from evil conservatives. Tom GalLAGER is a shit faced basterd. Do not vote for him. Reid either.

2004-05-31T13:45:00.000-07:00

STANDARDIZED UPDATE

This week has turned into a mundane drag from this place to that during sun up, but when night falls, exciting creatures come out to play. The 99 cent breakfast session was unique last night. The company was as followed: Mona, Levi (of the Brother's Fitch),Tony, and myself. Levi is the most OCD basket case most of us have seen in a long time, he also appears to be infatuated with Mona on some level. Opposite him was Tony. A slutty bisexual with eminence musical talent. Tony ordered and ate not only the normal 99 cent meal but also the two dollar steak and eggs and devoured everything put in front of him. The boulder station seams to be getting shady for a dollar meal at 3AM. I may have to find other cheep meals available after midnight. Anybody know any better ones?
I filled out my Profile for whatever reason.

ALSO The love of my life, my very own better half, Mona has inducted herself into the ranks of the blogies.

2004-05-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-05-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

I'm an Atheist!

Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?

Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons

2004-05-29T17:27:00.000-07:00

You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-05-29T17:23:00.000-07:00

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-05-26T22:09:00.000-07:00

just jumping on the band wagon

the 5,6,7,8’s
A AMERICAN HI-FI or Atmosphere
B Beatles, Ben Harper
C the Clash
D Desmond Dekker
E Eric Claption
F Five Iron Frenzy (christian ska)
G GDB, Gorilliaz, Green Day
H the Hippos
J Jack Johnson, Janis Joplin,
K Keb' Mo'
L John Lennon, Less Than Jake
M Marilyn Manson, The Mol.dy Peaches
N Neil Young
O Oasis, Offspring
P Presidents of the United States of America
Q Queers
R Ramones, Rx Bandits
S System of a down, Sublime, Smashing Pumpkins
T Toasters, Tsunami Bomb
U Unwritten Law
V the Vandals
W Weezer, the White Strips
X
Y the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s
Z Zamfir

2004-05-26T01:55:00.000-07:00

Bad drugs, good music and far too long...........

introspective interpretations of self by corpus

Odd reflections wash though my essence as blue is at the wheel. Going ninety down a deserted road when he shuts the headlights off. Total darkness. The fleeting since of panic comes over me like ice water as blue says “you never realize how dark it can truly get, eh?”
Fuck blue.
“yeah man.” My response is more than watered.
This weed is horrible, but none the less meant to be.
FLASHES again rush behind my own eyes. Times, Places, Feelings, People, Things.
This is when I say: “We've come so far, to really get where we are. And after all that it’s still me and you man, running these streets.”
Maybe my words had impact, maybe not. None the less I know what I meant. Fuck his universe of blind night driving
“Time passes by and we don’t even know most of the time.” Blue says.
“ya man. Hitting the last of the bad pot, I swallow it down. Stunned at response, i choose my own carefully.

“lets go home man. enough of this mess.”
one high speed flash U-TURN later, and we head back home.

2004-05-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

unedited, scattered thought from mesquite

5/19/04 2:09pm
The road winds on. Away from hell’s bad ride called reality. Las Vegas is miles behind us. Onward to greater things and finer pleasures. What happens next is surely a spin on the wheel of destony. Sondwaves of another lifetime come out mac speakers in my caravan of the desert. The cool AC makes me feel like a golden god, isolated from the harsh world outside.
Unsavory villiaus republicans zoom by in their own godlike pods. One hour to check in. Accomidations are safe and secure from such maddes of the outside world. Two weeks of curical examination plays tricks on the mind. Time for much rest and retreat from reality’s front line.
The itenuary includes one bottle of jeger, one bottle flavored rum, an 8th of 151, hydrocodine, marajuana, afedrin, and sleeping pills. Armed to the teeth with only the finest luxories, I contemplate what it must be like to live like this. How can the same spoils be such as sweet, if not earned. I, Americana.

6:41 PM 5/19/04

Lost in another world of divine pleasue of sex and sound and emotion and incancment. Codine, Liqour and pot work quite nicely togeather. A superagent of anti reality. Through the filter it is much easier to digest this monstrocity of a world we live in.

I lova mona

5/22/04 1:56 AM

Perfound maddness reaked the past few days. Mesquite, a rugged cutthought naked enitity on to it’s own. A place run by pale cowpeople obbsessed with golf. A true Ameircan experience. My hotel room was ten steps to my car. No interuptions of any kind. Humans 1, social education 3, man eating systems ZERO.

2004-05-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

JUDY IS A PUNK ROCKER!

Judy Galance became Judy Montague sometime this year.
What a trip is that her and craig were dateing in highschool.

2004-05-17T12:25:00.000-07:00

Years to take off. How long can days end? No sorrow for the mad.

Today at work a beautiful lesbian referred to our co-workers as “niggers." This will be her second day here. What the fuck is that? Bad vibes for a work type trip if you ask me. 1:30 is my tech final. Then it’s a mad dash to Cheyenne campus to drop off one insane task, mastered. Then of course back home for the last stretch of home work. Tomorrow is judgment day, no school after this.

2004-05-17T00:46:00.000-07:00

spent allot of time in recollection today. The though occurred to where people still kill one another because of the sunday paper tv guide. And some places get worse than that. My father was taking to be today about synthetic oil. What is that made of?? He said vegetables. WHY ARE WE KILLING PEOPLE WHEN WE CAN MAKE A SYNTHETIC IN A LAB?? Once again science takes the ball. That's science one, religion zero. Run with that Goddamn ball I say. Onward.
Two classes end tomorrow, two more to go on Wednesday. Mona and I will again be disappearing into the strip mall called a fuck spot, mesquite. AT LONG LAST ..... 2 days away from that bad vibes of hometown. There's a great cafe’ at the end of the city. It’s great home cooked food for under five bucks.
Oh if anybody's interested it’s a great deal: 2 nights stay w/ 2 messages for 128, you cant be that, drink heavily, mesquite can be a strange and bizarre place man.
Mona is becoming almost as stressed as I am. Were in for the home stretch tell lift off, you know? Time alone with her is fucking grate.
all for now man -0- keep tabs to see how this insanity ends.

2004-05-15T02:32:00.000-07:00

Wednesday may 12th 2004
Good Morning L V A

My father used to tell me this town was built before the hours of 6 and 8 am. This thought passes as I make my way towards downtown Vegas. The Rev. Philips, operator of godhatesfags.com and ex attorney will be congregating on the back step of my hometown today.
The morning air is fresh and alive with angst. Around the perimeter of LVA high school, even at this early hour, we are ready. What goes on now is anybody's guess. The early hour is still turning tricks on my head as a exchange words with a cop as I assess exactly where to park. I don’t think he’s keen on my early morning mutters but points me in the right direction non the less.
The pigs are afraid this morning. Their numbers clearly state this. The streets around the small high school look like a Nixon/Bush wet dream of curtailed rights and censored reality. Cops on every corner, lining the streets and the ghastly scene of pigs riding horses irks me in all the wrong places. This is one bad trip of a dream, I think to my self. This can’t be real. But it is, these blue boys are here because I’m here, and because Phelps is here. What madness is this? And what does metro exactly have planned?
The front of the school instantly became the front line. Across the street four completely average soccer moms hold protest signs that make no sense. Straight from the suburb’s of Kansas is this crowd. Holding this gibberish: “God Hates Fags” and “Thank God For 9/11” and “Fags Eat Shit.” The twisted minds that come up with this rant rivals my own, I will say that. But this rant is foul down it’s core. It springs out of tall cans of coors beer and football. At least that would be my guess, we’ll never no for sure.
The front of the school however is packed with 200 to 250 logic minded people, not keen on being up this early either. Students, Teachers, Parents, Clergy even all stand on the side of reason and tolerance.
“This is a beautiful sight” Saab Loften says to me off handily. Saab is my hero, and one of the best writers in Las Vegas.
Scar (aka silver_rivet) is now here too. As we both bear witness to the fact, Philips isn’t showing up. It’s been at least an hour and no hate monger, what kind of red neck freak show is this? No main attraction? By now they have small midgets disguised as children holding up more ridiculous signs.
After another half hour the phelps zombies begin to resend back into the shadows. Driven by shouts from the other side, they quicken their pace into the distance, and I suppose live to fight another day. No doubt to make someone like me, in some other city, get up tomorrow at this same god forsaken hour.

2004-05-15T00:28:00.000-07:00

Sudden realizations of my own very modern life

I choose apathy over ambition and non-confrontation over competition. The fact own life twists this way in that, like the sub plot of a much grander scheme, is only slightly above my realization. I am simultaneously the seventh son of good fortune, and the bearer of another hexed existence. In a since I have semi charmed life. My connection with Mona grows deeper with each passing day.
Everything I am, and hope to be is slowly becoming intertwined with her and what she is. My own ideas of self, also appear to be drifting into a sort of stable consciences. For the first time in a long time; ideas, convictions, and emotions all seam to be taking on defined shapes. Now, what were once far away goals, are becoming plans. All and all it’s the pure organic nature of this new direction is the most amazing. Everything: school, work, Mona, all seams to be guided by some external magnet of unknown whims. Which all of course, appear to be in my favor.
Following these omens of fortune seams to be my path. However this contradicts my own preconceived notions of choice. Or is all of this effects of my power of choice? Any Ideas? Anyone?

2004-05-11T22:29:00.000-07:00

This week will surely be my own end. These days I am pointed this way and that by the divine wisdom of thy great magnet of productivity. Finals are crashing down upon me like artic tidal waves of anti-conquest. I go through two tanks of gas a week further perpetuating the circles of blood gas that run like the river Styx out of the middle east. Tomorrow I must stop a fascist at the dawn of tomorrow (see neon bulbs blog) and teach a lesson on reformation. A fifteen hour day lies ahead and all I can do is smile. I choose my own enslavement.

2004-05-10T02:23:00.000-07:00

The coolest online journal of our time. A truly inspirational tail of what humanity could reach if we ever truly applied our self's.

http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=being_homeless

ALSO

I've come to the conclusion that if your in a long term relationship, every once in a while someone's going to come around and make you feel either two things:

1. That you really should end it

or

2. Appreciate how much your utterly in love with the one your with.

I met a boy the other day that i could only be attracted to. He was a Political Radical from the streets. He is homeless, bloody arrogant, far too intelligent for his own good, and very beautiful. Also very 18 and also bisexual. I knew he was trouble. But as attracted as I was to him, I knew I only really wanted Mona at the end of the day. It is only her that I love, her and no other. Even being bisexual, I can't divide my self emotionally. Sure sexually I could, but what male couldn't? In the end, the boy would mean nothing.

2004-05-06T00:11:00.000-07:00

sorry about not posting, but I have been writting i wrote this piece as a "look back" on the present reflection tell me what you think as always

Bushes and Other Bad Trips
by _ Corpus White
5/3/04
In the forgotten year of no-lord 2004, times were sideways to say the least. The four long years of bush had taken its toll on everyone. Gas was at 2.25 when no so long ago it was 1.50. Drugs not acquired by a doctor were getting harder and harder to find. More and more people just wanted to tune out. To crank the music up and ignore that terrible buzz reverberating from CNN.
It was a time of compromise. Naders love trip had disheartened armies of liberals. Bush, the ultimate uniter, had even persuaded long time anarchist to vote. All levels of liberals were now summoned front and center to the Democratic party. Suddenly bitching about the mistrials of Kerry seamed twice as appealing then another four years of pointless war fair and overall enslavement. Proof that when in doubt, choose the lesser of two evils.
The taste of foliage had salted even the right’s mouth. From the inside looking out it seamed every time you did look, the sons of democracy were coming to fight the good fight. Kerry was our meal ticket maybe, but never our boy.
I, Myself had hooked up with the Nevada democrats. Going door to door of registered non - repiblicans selling the dream of a world with out bush. Really what happened most of time was were were assigned to the same neighborhoods over and over again. We already had taken this data, these doors had already been divided into us or them. So we stayed at home, smoked pot, entered the same data at home. The palm pilot's could be played to think it was the the proper times, and this could all be done inside two hours. Yes it was fraud of the democratic party. But it beet talking to the same people you saw last week in 120 degree vegas heat. Rationalization of gulity.
We were high on bush’s bad trip to begin with. The actual drugs were a mear procedure. Evidence to us that more things than meaningless death can get you off. What was happening then, is what has happened always. It’s not the republicans getting paid to smoke pot on the couch. That travesty of the party surely gridded tooth and bum, riding their door knockers like cattle to sustain their power. The fact is, liberals are passionate, but conservatives are ambitious.
Aside from that I volunteered up with a PAC called moveon.org. This was a mosh posh mix of the general population fed up with bush. Dead set on boosting voter registration. Non stop vigilance were words these people lived by. Connected only by the internet and from time to time a small office here and there. They were after the battleground states, just like everyone else. An elaborate system of nameless dissidence interconnected in e-mail circles'. Everyone had their dick in MoveOn. The NAACP, the Sierra Club, Feminists, Gays, unions the whole nine yards.
It was I time of worry and uncertainly. Sure we were more united than ever but Bush had the sheep. There was never any question of that. Those so helplessly in love with lies and destruction; aimlessly and hopelessly dependent on the republican party, we never had a chance with them.
All we had was the youth. Those generation lost zombies left on the sidewalk outside the local mall. Most of them no old enough to vote. Like always the middle class was up for grabs. Then again conversion is done through observation not interaction. Any dolt can argue a point for hours on end not saying a dam word. Bush was selling the Alger Hager story from rags to riches. If they only worked hard enough they could get a 2 million tax refund too.
We had only the truth. That they would never be elite, that they were getting screwed, that Bush is a sleaze and not a savior. We had even won last year and yet somehow still lost. Yet knowing the future if we failed, we could could only go on.

2004-05-06T00:09:00.000-07:00

5/4/04

Is it wrong to despise a large cross section of people? The random public. Cow people that move only in herds of masses dulled by the cool buzz of capitalism. What happens next? Do I start hauling the down in carts to Adolph's Shower Shack for a proper end. This is not logical. How can I a person that is disgusted by small mind ism be so small minded himself. Granted no body's perfect, but does this meant that the only way to be human is to be a hypocrite? I see no logical conclusions anywhere in this area.

2004-05-01T15:45:00.000-07:00

Tales of the too real
(reflections from the college district capitolism main nerve)
by corpus white

Unsurfaced republicans of unseen problems are herded this and there. Driven by the smell of fresh capitalism, they can only stagger on. A doomed madman wanders by, covered in muck. Head to toe by the soil of the street. I see he’s mouthing words like ‘shit head’ and ‘revolution’ then begins to laugh at a joke no one told.
Parked exactly at every other table is another victim. The cow people. There is a large corporate logo hanging from the ceilings as if alive with power. Behind him are his noble army of ice cream cones and hot-dogs. Their attack word is “cheep,” so I take off.
Down more hallways are storage shops with everyone in them. They are separate components of the larger whole. Welcome to the bionic, interchangeable new world market place where your just a number.
This vortex of the dead creep show, passes weird vibes. Again running, I slam into the bathroom. Maybe here, I’m safe.
No luck. The freaks are in here too. The places where the let these monsters run is ultimately bad news. Freedom is only for those who can take it.
Passing concepts of yester year cloud my better judgment. The republicans behind me maybe taking note. What happens when they write my name down is any ones guess. What goes on behind closed doors, does not interest me in this matter. If that's their definition of freedom, let the doom basterds have it. It stinks like bush anyway.
The servants of this establishment work for a master race of strange pale creatures. Capable of destroying the world or to resurrect it depending on the overall mood of things. The large ones are rolled around in stroller like gadgets. Powered by muzzled mexicans working for five bucks an hour. Sometimes a random body just goes missing with ever being missed.
Strange vibrations keep the game fun as I hop like a bunny rabbit passed the gap and then to a star bucks. Shadowed by another star bucks I’m boxed in.
..... not enough air ... to .... breath....
Moving in a outward like fashion I break for the door at a good running pace. There is only so much shit I can take from these freaks.
Back slashed consumers of Americana, go back from whence you came!

2004-04-30T04:30:00.000-07:00

Sentiments over the past 24 hours

The recollection of employment is staggering. I have not been so in over two years. Furthermore I have NEVER worked for a company I felt the lest right about. For those of you who I haven’t told I recently joined the ranks of the employed by working for the democratic party. At least I will be as of saterday. Getting a job, for me is a nebulous thing of unforeseeable luck. I never say the right things in interviews, I generally despise whom ever i’m applying to in the first place, and I always get screwed when it comes to pay. At the great indoors I was working for nine dollars and hour while all of my coworkers were making 10.50. This is the first job I will of ever had where I can be productive rather than counter productive. Instead of riding the asshole of capitalism the major aspect of America I utterly despise. I will be practicing democracy the thing I love most about america. No mix of words can let me express what this means to me. After the interview, I sat in the car and cried. My father told me “congratulations.”
Any other time in my employment I was making money by exploiting people’s greed, or glutiony. Here I will be aiding the liberation of America of that tyrannical shaved ape in the white house. I know “things” should make me happy but I am anyway. I have the girl of my dreams, I am starting the best job I could think of (pre college), wheels, good grades, and only the best of friends and family. I am so fortunate it’s sick.

2004-04-29T07:32:00.000-07:00

Across the Universe ....(reflections at 6:32 am)

The reality of things is of course that things are never real. So many years wasted on thoughts of hard work and ambition have lost total and absolute meaning in the great mix of things. The world as we know it is only as real as we understand it, and we understand very little. It amazes me the people, the freaks they cut loose leaving the general public to deal with it’s problematic and not very nice at all.
In the larger scheme of things; it alludes me has to how we all walk around pretending to “get it.” Furthermore how none of us “get it” at all. Most of you know what I’m talking about. The big ones. Why are were here? What happens when we die? Is god an ocean, captain kangaroo, or not real at all?
What happens when we don’t know these answers is fig mental delusions. Icons, and suddenly, there all worth fighting and dyeing for. Enter hate. Enter war. Enter dogma.
Then of course are those whom use psychedelics. Cave man mind expansion. Crude and pure and Ten bucks a hit. Nirvana at the cost of mere molecules. Weird chemicals race throughout the body and take hold. Tune in, trip out, fade to black. Acid comes and goes but thought patterns are here to stay. In the end, all it ever amounts to is a synthetic understanding, for a synthetic reality.

2004-04-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

NEW EMAIL BITCHES!!!

corpuswhite@gmail.com

2004-04-27T01:05:00.001-07:00

Luke Warm Capitolism

A mosh posh device of pure evil surrounded me. Drink in hand I'm more than willing to dive straight in: head-fucking-first. With another shot of confidence, I took to the streets with my associate Blue at my side also holding a cup of gall with his right hand. Pushing here, shoving there, we made heed through the crowd of mutated cow people. The stench of conservatism was all over me now, there was no denying this. Anything happening past this moment surely meant the blood and sweat of a thousand mexicans was now on my hands.
My laptop bag had been transformed into a mobile alcohol cart.
One large can of pineapple juice
One stolen pint of generic rum
One half empty bottle of malabu rum
and of course no dam ice
The luke warm hooch however was the least of my problems at this point. However, at this same point, I was pretending it was. If only to ignore the strange gawks from the cow people as they passed by.
We had set up base at a balcony in front of some bizarre dancing fountain show choreographed to some forgotten Prince album. Blue was topping off his cup with the last of the malabu before throwing it to the synthetic sea gods.
Marching onward as if commanded by manifest destiny; the strange cow people came in roaming hordes high on neon light. These were the creatures responsible for the absolute contamination of my home planet.
Stopped in front of an Oriental internet cafe / sushi bar that was packed with those assuming them selfs to be Orientals, I was attacked by a rather large heifer, begging for spare resources I shunned her. By pretending to be invisible; It was my logic that she’s probably been given the opposite of this skit all her life, and would appreciate the change in pace.
This is when I came to my revelation. The Vegas of Huges and Alger and Thompson was dead. All that was left was the small shriveled cock of Sin City hiding behind a 2004 H2. The glitz and glamor, the cheese, all of it was displace and rearranged. Not that anyone would notice. The high of neon still drew in billions of failed family vacations. The real losers will, and have always been, the saps whom stuck around. The locals. Those tricked via employment to live and die in the desert, capitolisms most harshest joke.
Not that any of this concerned me. I had purchased a ninety-nine cent poker visor from some crap shop just down past “Dream Car Rental.” This was my disguise. While wearing, and only when wearing this visor, I became the single most important resource to this nightmare of a town. Buy my simple purchase I unwillingly signed a non verbal contract to loose everything I had, to the unforsaken Winn. Viva Lost Wages.

To be continued ....... (if by popular demand)

2004-04-25T02:11:00.000-07:00

Sunshine Insanity

The way the mind works alone is frightening. When cut loose on weird chemicals it is capable of things surely not for the faint of heart. Twisted on the wrong gear has always been a fatal mistake for the random habitual drug user. This is of course proof that ill minded thought patterns are dangerous and should be avoided and negated in every instance (vote 2004).
I gathered at Scartissuearmor’s pad for a afternoon of inhibited mind expansion. It was to be our day of fearless discovery of self and the world around us. Either that or we could discuss really weird shapes and colors. In that we never really decided.
I had rented the shroom/acid classic “The Yellow Submarine” but Scar found the vibe to be far to intense for children's play things. Rather we swilled our trip to this direction and that, not really going anywhere, then at the same time going everywhere.
The end of the day I concluded the fact that it is I whom is luckily enough to hold and maintain such superb associates like Scar. Granted the love may be imposed or inflated over the euphoria of the drug, but the trust isn’t quite as synthetic.

2004-04-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

Interview with a Madman:

"The camouflaged wolf can, (in theory) fuck any sheep."”
This is what pans through my mind was I walk up to the "employment trailer" of the new Sears store. Then I contemplate the association between "employment trailer"” and an "nazi courtesy shower." By the time any thoughs form it's too late I'm already on the inside. A sort of sideways undercover job now I guess. Too many job interviews have put me in this exact place , only miles from here. Scrubbed down, cleaned off and groomed down to the hollow bone, here I stand broken and unemployed.
[supress urges to make for the door and run like hell]
[supress urges to make for the door and run like hell]
[supress urges to make for the door and run like hell]
[supress urges to make for the door and run like hell]
My entrance was followed by a painstakingly boring session of "say the right thing."” If you say the wrong thing your destined to make round two. To be held at some identical setting at a later date. You see you go around like this tell you do say the right thing, and then advanced to the lightning round of self deprecation, aka employment. Which I am told is better than the self deprecation of poverty.
I jumped my hoops and was again let loose into the world on my own accord. They need time to compare my analysis to those taken from the mast race, to see if I make the cut. I get the feeling employment during the years of Bush has become more of a sham than it ever was to begin with. Now we gather like starving immigrants or those accused of being immigrants for that last fucking stake on grill. Standing atop the icey morning witter mark of dawn, spiere in hand, I'm bloody ready for the American work force.

2004-04-20T01:47:00.001-07:00

Indoor Pluming and other Modern Conveniences

There is in fact, nothing quite like watching two women swap your DNA between them like baseball cards. Spiting it, to and fro from their lips. But perhaps that is the great vice of our time. One Http later, and suddenly the unwanted become the loved. Were all interconnected in this grand new world of today. Be it by web page, data base or indoor pluming; your going to hell and some one else is most likely coming with you.
Unpopular zit cream fanatics, now masturbate to glistening icons of potential beauty, just like the rest of America. No more need for cold, hard, reality when cyberspace dictates our social behavior. Sit back, lube up, medicate and grab your credit card, your on the information-super-highway.
And after all why not? Most American laws dont apply behind WWW dot. In here Bush didnt really win. The theft in Florida and the post script massacre was is just another web page to be passed over. Your mom cant find out. A whole community, a whole culture of nameless people/, freaks/, zombies/, geeks/, consumers/, citizens/, people whom may have just as well left the rest behind to deal with the miserable mess they deserted. Not all, but some, and not some, but most.
After all what are we all hiding from?
Aside the muck filled gases we breath.
Aside the degradation of any and all culture.
Aside the genocidal maniacs we put in office bent on world capitalization. What more could we want?
How about an end? Put aside all those angst and get down the nit and grit of the compost.
Life is just better synthetic. And maybe its not even better, maybe its just more tolerable.
The synthetic nature of all things is replacement. We have chosen ruse over reality. Let me tell you, God speed has nothing on oil production, and oil is the base resource of technology. Plastics do it all and beasts in and around us know that. So the big question is what's next? What do we all do when we have dove into every last niche of oil wells, and sucked out every last drop with the efficiency of a drunk prom date? Then what?
Mock reality surely leads to doom ridden caverns and dark places not fit to dwell. Yet do I stop? Would I throw my laptop through the window or out into open flame? FUCK-NO. What is this called? Hypocrisy. No way around or though it, that's what I am. Thus, in accordance to the rule of indoor pluming you, me, all of us are going straight to hell. All-Hail, advances in modern technology.

2004-04-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

Abrupt Morning

The deluge of dreams last night was too much for one so-called man. Ghastly images, cut and pasted from ragtag mind bleeding moments, arranged in a most gruesome matter. Blood and guts have nothing on emotional trauma. Mellon collie memories of yesterlife times past, rampage through my head, tears pierce through, while I cant wake up. I never can. My sleep too deep, my need to relive this too great; escape is just never an option, much like self redemption.
The morning light shuns the foil on the window and invades the room now. This in when I wiped my eyes of grime and tears and begin to type. Jack Johnson patters out the laptop speakers as my shaky hands glide across from key to key. This musics not working so I switch to Pink Floyd, still not right under the bridge by the Chilli Peppers is the only song I am at this particular moment able to handle.
Soft kisses of melodies, the warm glow of seeping sunlight; intake immediate. On my back I think of Mona. Breathing hard the world just seams too fucked to deal with my baggage. The temporary solution is inevitably the wrong one. Remember that I think, but end up speaking out aloud. Other words I think manifests themselves in speech as well. Fuck me seconds later, I cant. No rest, no piece of mind for the wicked.

2004-04-17T02:17:00.000-07:00

PHISH VEGAS WITH FREON and one lost notion of freedom...

Word hit my ears days ago that the Phish-Heads were landing in Vegas. With cash in hand I had to go.
Last year when I was an illegitimate roommate in an UNLV Dorm we stumbled almost on accident on to what I perceived as Disneyland. Drugs, passed about like common product, a tinny nation all to it's own. Independent from the cruel reality that was the outside word. These people live from parking lot to parking lot peddling gear and good to survive only to the next town. In these nomads I saw freedom.
Yet when I arrived this year...
Same faces, same smells, same cars, same creeps. The rationality of the situation had changed. This place that was all too much the exact same place as it had been last year, was now full of people who were fleeting. Too afraid of the world outside or even of commitment to a single town for more than a month. But the only thing that had changed was me. I bought my petty shrooms, and nick nacks and what not, But the notion was lost. I was a tourist. The dream of freedom was displaced.
This is when Freon struck a chord. "Would all these people be hear souly for the music, even if it meant no drugs?"
On impact of his word I became wedged between two ideologies, my past and my present.
I looked into the eyes of a passing phish head and reveled in thought? Who had it right? Who I was Last time I was here, or Freon?
I couldn't answer. I mean I did automatically I deafened this environment mostly because at that second I was enjoying my self and bullshit loves to roll of my tongue and especially to defend the defenseless.

But am I Turning on the beliefs and convictions to stood for not too many lifetimes ago?
What has happened to all that shit I deafened for so many years with out hesitation? By definition am I what I used to call a sell out? Is this the effect of sobriety or age?

2004-04-16T04:07:00.000-07:00

A list of my newest obsessions:

Kill Bill vol. 1&2
The 5,6,7,8's
Cube (the movie)
Hyper Cube (the sequel)
Mona's Hair
exfoliating Salt Scrub
Allen Ginsburg
This Blog
Other Peoples Blogs
fond old memories of yester-year
Iraq being insane right now
the fact Bush might win this election
Sex with Mona
Wishing one of my obsessions was finding a job
Greenday's album 'Warning'

2004-04-16T03:49:00.001-07:00

Better Living Through Poetry

A conversation with Mona the other day lead us into the great quote:

"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn
looking for an angry fix,"

We had both heard it over and over so many time but could not place who said it. After scurrying about the web it was revealed to me that it was in fact Allen Ginberg's "howl". Not knowing a particularly lot about him I dove in head first. After more reading of his Bio, it dawned upon me that I had never actually taken the time to read the whole dam thing in the first place.

I sat on the edge of what called reality for the entire time my eyes were scanning across my screen. Rearrangement of every thing I thought I knew about poetry, flow, rhythm, context, were blow away. Furthermore this was just speaking in terms of the physical aspects of the poem. Let alone the some times hidden, some times transparent meanings behind his most eloquent words.

Losing ones self in a classic is act like no other.

I can relate it only to the very first time I heard 'imagine' by John Lennon in which I recall by the end of it there were tears in my eyes. The very fact something that sounds so beautiful, can be saying so much at the same time is mind blowing.

If you've never read "howl" by Allen Ginsburg I suggest it as something to do before death sort of thing

2004-04-14T22:37:00.000-07:00

Onward to oppression

Today was much like a fleeting plea coming from a drag queen running a marathon. Hectic guff of unforeseen proportions. The comings and goings of West side Vegas makes me go a big wet one alone. It's too much when I am forced to partake. To here and there, back and forth to pointless destinations dictated by the master race; who needs this?Fuck time tables and day runners, cast them into open flame and call it liberation. The mundane drag of our time can kill the weak minded. The shaky cattle in the back of the heard will no doubt become hamburger if he doesn't make his 12 o'clock you know. Darwin can kiss my ass! I will not carry an action item list.

2004-04-12T23:52:00.001-07:00

SUCCESS OVER HTML!!
corpus: 1
machines: 20 million

On the advice of scar tissue armor I conquered my own fear of html and put in the comment option in this ongoing internet contraption. So now I can find out what you, the readers of this madness think or read any passing random thoughts that slip by. Atop this I finally figured out how to post links so enjoy. Now if anyone could tell me how to put pictures I could be a full fledged blogger type goon. A slave to the metal race, maybe. But dam isn't my site cool.

2004-04-11T17:44:00.000-07:00

Recollections from Mesquite

I and Monas Rampage through the city went quite unnoticed, which is good for a number of uncountable reasons. It was there I realized my new favorite drink a Karaboloo one part 151 rum one part Malibu coconut rum and pineapple juice. No one cards in mesquite, so its allot like Reno. Not that we needed a bar our hotel room alone was more that sufficient to keep us inebriated for the duration of our stay.
The first night Mona had a little too much however, I did what I could to help her. Amazing what your willing to do in the name of love. Also she did not seam partial to the saliva Divnorum I brought with me. TIP: if you try this stuff, smoke it using a water pipe it seams to be the only way to feel the max. Effect. I wasted half the vile until to got back to Vegas and found this out.
Aside from random excursions out to eat and to the pool mostly we resided in the confines of our room. It was in there where I came to the conclusion that even if love is scam sometimes the good times have been known to out number the bad ones. Mona and I shared an experience I could barely call sexual. The most intimate two people can be hardly ends at penetration alone. It was an experience that rearranged my perceptions on every level, every notion I though I knew about personal.
The realization of how violent the male sexuality is. As men we can not find pleasure without protrusion. With out violation. Further more at the height of our pleasure, it can only manifest its self in an explosion of discharge. A substance bent on creating a symbiotic to attach and live off the female (that is if your having sex with a female).
Sex is so unbalanced it terms of gender its miracle women put up with it. Sure the female multiple organism are some contribution but what else do they get? What Mona gives me physically, emotionally, and intellectually I can only hope I can offer her a fraction of that in return.

2004-04-10T23:57:00.000-07:00

goals made 11 miles from vegas

1. stop passing the buck, take more responsibility

2. get a fucking job

3. become better driver

4. remain focused and appreciative about relationship with Mona and acknowledge the fact that most the time she is right

5. stay 90% sober

6. travel.

2004-04-10T23:55:00.000-07:00

Reflections on the I15 4/8/04

An eerie feeling lingers about as she and I hit the freeway, like a bat escaping the pit onward to greater and brighter things. No delusions of grandeur are to big for my own imagination at this moment. For a very long year and half my testicles have been tided to a leash held by officer hernandez.
A prude soccer mom that I have no doubt could break your balls with no need for a pin hammer if one was so inclined to give her a reason. I cannot deny she granted me her grace on more than one occasion, and because her I am not in high desert right now. Any other officer would of nailed me right then and there on that second dirty piss test, maybe even the first. To her I owe my freedom.
The transformation of who I was when I started probation and who I am to today was nothing short of total and complete transfiguration. The realization that life as I knew it; smoky rooms, random acts of sex, the risks all of it was contrary to the life that I saw ahead of me. Who I was then was turning into someone I did not want to be. Last summer was preview of that life time. Lots of pot. Lots of speed. Lots of sex. Lots of landscaping. Work hard. Play hard. Fuck That.
Life time after life time can spin past you so fast, sometimes you just want to choose so you don’t end up with nothing. I have long realized my life has always be insignificant in the larger scheme of things. Regardless of this I am whom I choose to be.

2004-04-02T02:08:00.000-08:00

The facts alone can not dispute my own reality. In an attempt to let my loved ones and other crazed cum crusted internet surfers into the thoughts and tribulations of my life; This internet contraption seams like a suitable medium for just that.